2013: A Year in Bad Portraits

Hi you. I'm starting a new tradition ... and you're welcome to join me ... if you dare.

Over the last few weeks I haven't been able to turn around in Blogland without falling headlong into any number of  '2013 in photos' year-in-review type posts. And the very ubiquity of them almost led me to putting one together myself ... but then I thought:

"But ... I blogged my Month in Numbers 12 times during 2013 [and in 2012, 11 and 10 for that matter] complete with photos ... so, if I did summarise my whole year, I'd only be repeating myself. There's really not much my online visitors haven't seen."

And that's when I heard it.

A little mischievous voice in my ear. A sort of juvenile devil on my shoulder whispering ...

"Well ... they haven't seen every photo of you Julie. What about all those ones you didn't tweet, blog, Facebook?

The ones that didn't pass the usual criteria.

You know the ones I mean? The unflattering ones, the ones where you look freaky, weird or possessed. Or all three at once.

The ones you never thought you'd show anyone ... there's always those. People would like to see those you know?"  

And it wasn't wrong about that.

When I mentioned on my Facebook page that I was considering posting an 'out-takes' type post where I'd share some of my less-than-perfect selfies and portraits well ...

... let's just say the idea received a fairly enthusiastic response from which I'm surmising that those who replied are either:

[a] being selflessly supportive of my blogging ideas ... or else ...
[b] they just reeeeeeaaalllly wanted to see me looking ridiculous.

Which seemed fair enough to me.

I'd have said the same if they'd been suggesting it!

Who wouldn't?

January 2013: 'I'm ready for my close-up now. Oh my. Now that is close isn't it?'

I'm happy to admit that throughout my entire time online I have - and will unashamedly continue to do so - shared photos of myself looking what I consider my best. [Or looking 'passable' at the very least!]. And I will happily go on taking new profile pics etc which are shot from a flattering angle; in good light; preferably behind a light blanket of make-up ... and with just the merest of photo-editing tweaks going on afterwards too!

So, yes, you could say I make an effort to present myself in a good light [literally] yet, what that giggling, perverse, little voice in my ear made me realise is: I enjoy sharing life's imperfections with you and [hopefully] raising a giggle even more and so ...  

... while this was initially meant to be a reflective post, to round-up an old year ... instead, here it is,  as my first real blog-content of the year. A post in which I'll dance like a monkey [metaphorically speaking that is. Come on now, leave me with one scrap of dignity in tact will you?] for your viewing pleasure.

Let's consider this as me starting as I mean to go on shall we? 

For the record ... and with some regret ... let me assure you that none of these were meant to be 'funny' photos at the time they were taken. That just happened naturally ...

May 2013: New hair cut, new dress, the end of a lovely meal to celebrate our anniversary, I had nothing in the world to be worried about ... not that you'd ever guess any of that from this look:

In modelling circles I believe this pose is referred to as 'the anxious guinea-pig'.

 

July 2013: Weekend break; unusually [for a British Summer] we had glorious sunshine and actual heat!

 

Which was great for my spirits and my vitamin D levels ... but less amazing for my hair. 

 

Here the humidity wreaked havoc with my locks leaving me looking less 'English rose' and more 'American rock guitarist from a 1980s hair band':

August 2013: This may have only been taken 5 months ago ... but already it's raising a questions to which I just can't recall answers. Questions like 'Why did I take my camera to the restaurant toilet with me in the first place?' [let's all hope it was just in my bag with me] but, more importantly: 'Why am I looking so utterly, nay - insanely - delighted about being in a public loo?'

Why?

p.s: that lovely lady who looks appropriately wary of being trapped in a small space with me is my sister. You didn't think I'd randomly take an insane photo of myself in the toilet with a stranger did you? What do you take me for? ...

October 2013: Thinks to self: 'I'll capture this glorious autumnal blue sky and sunshine with a nice selfie of me in the foreground with Mam behind. It'll be charming.'  Or, y'know ... I could just look evil instead ...

November 2013: This is a slight twist on the 'anxious guinea-pig' look I was seemingly so good at last year. What can I say? It comes naturally to me.

Also ... when I was taking up the hem of my dress I tested out the new length by sitting, standing and bending but the one thing I forgot to check was how short it would be should I ever get spun around while dancing with my aunty. I'll know next time.

And finally ... ever since I met James he's had a habit of snatching a photo of me while I've been eating. Mid-bite.

His excuse is that it's the one time when he can guarantee that I'll:

1. be sitting still long enough for him to get the exact shot he's seeking and
2. be unable to complain to him about how long he takes to set up the shot!

Hence our albums are peppered with countless charming portraits like these. Ones where you can never quite be sure if that food is just going into ... or just making its way out of my mouth ...

Pleasant no?

No?

Then you're really not going to like my final #Bad Portrait of 2013.

If I can pass on one tip; one nugget of advice I've gleaned from looking back over my Year in Bad Portraits then it's this:

May 2013: Don't, under any circumstances, allow a camera anywhere near you while you're attempting to eat tagliatelle in public ...

... unless unlike me, you're happy with the idea that it could result in there being a photo in  which you'd look something like a tortoise in the throes of passion!

 

Don't ever say I don't provide a public service here!

 

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So, I hope you enjoyed my Year in Bad Portraits but hey ... don't think you're getting away with things that easily!

I'm seriously asking you to consider either:

1. going back through your photo files for 2013 to share some of your own finer moments too OR ...
2. Go right now and put "2014: A Year in Bad Portraits" on your calendar as a 'thing to blog' for December this year, I have, then in 11 months time we can hold each other's hands while we bare all.
3. [Edited to add: You know I'm only talking about those photos which you are happy to laugh about don't you? I'm really not suggesting you post anything that makes you feel bad about yourself ... I wouldn't want that at all.] 

And if you just can't bring yourself to share a ropey old shot of yourself then ...

• how about at least leaving me a comment today?
• even if you don't leave me another all year;
• just to let me know you that you saw and [maybe] smiled. How about it? 

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Happy 2014 everyone. I know we'll never make it a perfect year ... but how about we try to wring out a laugh from those imperfections whenever we can? Deal?

 

Julie x